phoenixcub

Here's someone's YouTube video of my favorite slot machine which I won $105 on tonight.

Check out this video on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZMpWV9WuzQ


Sent from my iPhone

Okay, at first I didn't get it, but then I decided to try it and now I kind of like it. I don't want to become part of the scourge of LiveJournal by using LoudTwitter because I know that I, like many others on LJ, can't stand LoudTwitter posts. However, if you'd like to follow me:
Click here.

Sunday was 30 days since Chris told me he wanted to end things. I figured it's about time that I write more about the breakup.

First off, I would like to thank all my friends for the support you've given me online and in real life. It has meant a lot to me to have friends around when I need them most.

You ever start to sense something and you really hope that your impressions are wrong, but have that foreboding feeling that something is going to happen? That feeling for me started in October. I posted about it, but hoped it was just nothing. I felt Chris start to change after we met the Phoenix Movie Bears. I thought it was good to have a social outlet since Chris didn't really have one. We were together a lot when we weren't at work. I had my own group of friends, but he didn't really have such a group. I was glad when get met the Phoenix Movie Bears because it would give him a social outlet, but it seemed to change him in a lot of ways.

When we met, I really liked the fact that, like me, he didn't drink or go to bars, but then he met the group and he was going out all the time. That's a part of my life I went through and left behind years ago. I don't like going to the bars all the time and drinking to excess. But he stumbled into this world and liked it. I went out with him once in awhile, but I don't enjoy going to bars. It wasn't something I wanted to do as often as he did. I don't know if it would've helped our relationship more if I did go out with him all the time or not. This may have been an eventuality anyway. It seemed like the distance was growing more all the time since he joined the group. He went from wanting me to go with him everywhere, even just to run to the gas station, to not caring if I went with him at all. He became less affectionate. He started spending crazy amounts of time at the bars and out drinking. I really started to miss the Chris of just months prior. It's amazing how much someone can change in such a short period of time.

The thing I've come to realize is the Chris I miss isn't the one who broke up with me four weeks ago. It's the Chris who I knew six months ago. He's the sweet considerate person who would enjoy my company whether it was cuddling on the couch watching a DVD or going on a road trip to Las Vegas or having dinner at Subway. I honestly wish we hadn't met the Phoenix Movie Bears. It's not to say that this might not have eventually happened, but at least I could've kept the Chris that I knew and the one I fell in love with for a longer time. I fear that one is lost for good. He used to always be content and go with the flow. He was affectionate and considerate. He started becoming self-centered, fussy and moody. I started feeling like I had to walk on eggshells around him. Apropos to the song I was listening to a short while ago, I started feeling like there was a "stranger in my house".

I thought I treated him well and was a good boyfriend. I wish I knew what exactly happened to change things. He just started becoming distant and less affectionate. I seemed to matter less as he started not paying as much attention to me or not seeming to desire my company as much. It's funny how some songs come out right around the right time. A few months ago "Hot n Cold" by Katy Perry came out and I thought it fit him perfectly how he started to act after the movie bears. I think it was at that point that I knew it was just a matter of time until he ended things. It started to seem like he didn't want to stay, but he didn't want to go either.

Anyway, now here I am. I miss him a lot. I miss coming home to him and cuddling in bed with him each night. I just miss him being here. It's weird living with someone for so long and then coming home to an empty house each night. It hurts when you realize that all the things you wanted to do with someone will now never happen. I loved our Valentine's Day trip to San Francisco last year and was so looking forward to more experiences together like that.

In the end, it came down to him saying he doesn't feel the same way about me anymore that he used to. He didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. I wish I could've done something to change his mind, but it was already made up. Now at this point, it's just moving on and seeing if a friendship can eventually be harvested out of it. We've hung out a few times... but it was very much like when Carrie and Big have that very awkward lunch after they broke up. You don't know quite what to say and there's like this pink elephant in the room.

I've rambled on enough. I hope what I've written makes sense. Anyway, it's time to pick up the pieces and move on.

Did I ever tell you how you live in me
Every waking moment, even in my dreams
And if all this talk is crazy
And you don't know what I mean
Does it really matter
Just as long as I believe
I will love again
Though my heart is breaking, I will
love again
Stronger than before
I will love again
Even if it takes a lifetime to get over you
Heaven only knows, I will love again
People never tell you
The way they truly feel
I would die for you gladly
If I knew it was for real
So if all this talk sounds crazy
And the words don't come out right
Does it really matter
If it gets me through this night
If I'm true to myself, nobody else can take the place of you
But I've got to move on, tell me what else can I do
I will love again
One day I know, I will love again
You can't stop me from loving again, breathing again
Feeling again
I know, one day, I'll love again

Arizona recently added a new license plate to like the 40 we already have, but I really like this one. Am I ready for a change?

Here's the current one:


Here's the new one with an Arizona Highways picture:


The new one has a $25 fee for Arizona Highways. So...

Poll #1366182 Arizona License Plate
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

What should I do?

...and for just a moment, all is right with the world again. :-)

If you're not the one, then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one, then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine, then why does your heart return my call?
If you are not mine, would I have the strength to stand at all?

I never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you, then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you, then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me, then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me, then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I'm praying you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don’t wanna run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

I think that some people need to get punched in the face... or stabbed. Tonight those people are:

Whoever invented the wheelie shoes that like every other 12 year old has now.

Whoever wrote LoudTwitter.

Green chile cheeseburger and a chocolate peanut butter shake from 66 Diner. Hell yes. Welcome to Albuquerque. :-)

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

do you ever miss the cold or at least get tired of the heat?

Well, I'll start off by saying that I would rather have 100° than 20°. I can't stand the cold. It's one of the primary reasons I moved here. My last winter in Albuquerque brought of the worst blizzards in years, where the city shut down for two days. I was over it and knew I was gonna move to a warmer place as soon as I could.

I don't miss the cold in the slightest, which I always get reminded of when I visit my parents in the winter. Yes, by the end of Aug I do get tired of 100° heat, but the other 9 months of the year make up for it. :-)